On the subject of IF's

We could keep trying, but things will never change,

So I don't look back.

Still dying with every step I take,

But I don't look back.

- "With Every Heartbeat" by Robyn

Here's the problem. I do look back. I look back a lot. Nostalgia haunts my life, and I keep trying to get back, even though I want to look forward.

I got a call from my high school prom date today. She's a mother of twins and a stepmother of someone getting ready for her own prom, thus the phone call. Over the wires, or should I say wireless of the phone, floods of memories returned.

A few minutes later while I was taking a nap, I was awakened by something on the Oprah show (which was playing in the background as I had fallen asleep.) On the screen was an ad for MetLife with Snoopy. MetLife - for all the IF's in life.

So, I started looking back at many of my IF's, and there are a lot of them. Knowing that you are pretty cool for just reading this, I won't share every single one ("Thank God," says the reader,) but I will hit some highlights from this life called mine.

IF I didn't choose pro wrestling announcing, I might be an NBA or major college play by play announcer now. I chose ESPN and something fun over something with a future.

IF I took my parents up on their offer to place me on the Social List of Washington, I might have grown up with some pretty high status folks and be an executive, or married to one.

IF I had followed my peer group in the amount of drinking in high school and college, I would be an alcoholic now.

IF I hadn't been so quick to fall in love, I might have had better relationships with women throughout my teens, and 20's.

IF the US hadn't boycotted the 1980 Olympics where I was scheduled to be an intern with NBC Sports at age 16, would I have been a high level part of NBC Sports now?

IF I hadn't been obsessive about learning interesting facts about television, like the nicknames of stations like 11 Alive and KSTWashington, would I have gotten the job that moved me to where I live now?

IF I had actually done weights and worked out in High School, would I have been a star athlete and be in better shape now?

The answers to all these questions are, of course, rhetorical. Life is what it is, and that is perfectly okay with me. I thought writing down a few of them might be a way to set them aside, but they bring up more.

But before I go... let me answer some of them.

I did choose pro wrestling, and have some of my best friends because of it, including some people I would have never crossed otherwise. If I hadn't done wrestling, I wouldn't be here.

I asked my parents not to list me in the "Green Book," which listed all the top families in Washington, DC. I probably missed out on some Debutante Balls and some rich friends, but I don't think I could have kept up an illusion for long.

Making the choice to not drink was one of the best in my life, and has been a great lesson to my kids.

Yes I did say "I love you" a little too soon in some relationships, but I did that with the woman I have been married to the past 14 years, and it's working out pretty well.

Working with NBC for the Olympics would have been a dream come true, and I got the chance to apply later in life to work for NBC's Olympic unit. It was the wrong time, as they decided that the long form stories I loved to do was something they didn't love so much anymore.

My wife and kids hate the fact that I am a remote junkie and when we go on trips, I am fluttering through the channels looking at what they all look like, and what they call themselves. Knowing KSTWashington led to me being here, thus being married and having kids.

Not being a good student, or a great athlete still haunts me a little. My son is taking after me on the study part, but he sure loves to do sports. I love to watch him but will never push him to make him something I wasn't. Too many idiots that do that to their kids.

IF I had not started blogging, would I enjoy my evenings more. No, this has been fun, and I hope that if in some amazing way this little entry helps someone realize that looking back can help you move forward... that's a good thing.

As my friend Little Ms. Notetaker would say: Note to self: Have fun for the next couple of entries to let people know that you aren't always this serious.

Good night Gracie.

Yours truly,

Johnny Blogger