On the subject of Refocusing

I have been reading the news, hearing the reports, seeing the statistics. Now I know what they are talking about.

Yesterday, I was dealt a first hand blow courtesy of the new economy of America. My job over the next few days is to figure out how to do what I have been doing for the last two years, and for less pay and with less help. Welcome to the new reality.

My first reaction was to be bitter and angry, Then I remembered something written by a fellow blogger in her most recent post. She said "We are not the job we do, the house or car or big plasma screen TV in our possession... yet, if you end up losing those items or experiences in your present moment, and you feel pain and suffering at that loss, that means your ego is attached to those things. You have the power, in that moment, to honor and recognize those emotions because it's a wonderful opportunity to get back in to alignment with who you truly are. What you focus on grows."

My ego had taken a huge blow as all I could think about is all the hard work I had put into this particular project... the extra hours of production... the constant thought process of how to make it better. All I could think was "I did all this and this is how they repay me?"

My wife had to spend many hours talking me down. She reminded me not to take it personally, which was all I was doing. The reason was not for the work I was losing, but for the news I would have to give others that their job was being cut back, eliminated or asking them to do their great work and not get paid as much for it.

The second call I had to make was someone who had been with me from day one on the project. It was not enough that in the past month or so, his son was the victim of a terrible accident, or on this very day, that he was losing his father in law. No, now, it was time, albeit the wrong time, to tell him that despite all his hard work, that we were going to have to figure out a different way to work together.

This morning, I didn't even want to get out of bed. I worked through the day, productive as I could be, but still with the guilt and distraction. Then, after dinner, headache still a present companion, I decided to open up the computer and write. First, redoing my Facebook status from earlier in the day which read "here's hoping people understand that what happens in the business world does not effect the way I think about people on a personal level."

The new one reads: "is remembering to breathe. Okay. Now that I have reminded myself, I must remember to continue doing it. Okay. So far so good. Oops. Mind Wandered." Even with everything in life, I still keep my sense of humor (much like a cherished other fellow blogger.)

It was at that moment I decided to go back to reading some blogs, and was guided back to that post. I felt pain and suffering because it was all about my ego... the way people think of me. It was not something I could control, thus it was a great source of stress. But as a card given to me once said "no one can ever make you believe anything you don't want to believe."

Again, I focused on the blog's meaning. Take inventory of what is good. Those of you who know me and those who read this blog understand I know how to do that. With that as a benchmark, here goes:

I have a wife who loves me and believes in me every moment of every day.
I have two kids who love me and one who even makes me laugh most of the time.
I still can make my mortgage payments and even do some fun things, which makes me luckier than many of the people I know.
I know that in this world, I have a higher meaning to my life that I have yet to find, and that this experience is pushing me to find it even harder now.
I know that by merely writing these words that at least one person will take solace in the fact that they are doing okay and should take inventory themselves.

So the refocusing commences, as I learn to take care of myself in new ways - focusing inward so that the radiance and joy can flow outwards. For someone who is happy 98 percent of the time, it's an adjustment to get out of the land of the blues, but step one of the journey starts now.

Thanks Kim.

Yours truly,
Johnny Blogger

P.S. - My son just came out wearing his "My Dad Rocks" shirt, with a note attached below it. It said "no matter what!" He seemed so happy to show it to me. Now that is what life is all about.