On the subject of a "Different" Me

"Jon is slowly descending from the mountain top that holds the rare air of total happiness to see that there is still the real world to contend with below the clouds."
- Facebook Status Update from Today.

For a while, it was glorious. My wife said, "well at least you had some time up there."

Up there is happiness. Up there is where I want to be all the time. Up there is what I used to be.

A new friend went to my improv show the other night and had a very interesting comment. "That's a different Jon there."

A different Jon? Seems like a very familiar one to me, but the statement struck me. It appears that few of my friends really know who I used to be, and only know the stressed out, work obsessed, family driven person that I have become.

The comment took me back to the days of dating in Atlanta. I was seeing a woman named Pam Pyevich (yes - I am writing it in case she Googles herself so she can see I did eventually fall in love and marry.) We had been dating for a few months when I let the "L" word slip out. No, not the L word from television.... sheesh. To make a long story short, we broke up shortly after the utterance.

Early in our relationship, I took her with me to join my friends at a taping of World Championship Wrestling. The Atlanta Boys, as our group was known, was notorious for forcing the WCW production crew to add in sound effects and change their shooting because we were among the first groups to cheer for jobbers (guys who usually lose) or guys who were not getting the star quality we thought they deserved. Simply put, we were troublemakers, adn loving every minute of it.

It was in this light that Pam saw me for the first time - a mischievous, kid-like, devil may care guy who just wanted to smile, laugh and make others do the same.

When we broke up, she told me that the only time she thought she saw the real me was at that wrestling taping. She said I put on a different identity to protect my own and rarely let down my guard. She went on to say that she probably could have gone out with that "other guy."

Strangely, she was absolutely on target. I am one who likes to be liked and will go out of my way to please. I care what people think. I protect my reputation with a pit bull like mentality. I never want to be thought of as "that guy (rolling eyes)."

Being a boss, and a husband, and a father, it's difficult to be liked all the time. Many times, anything you do can just piss people off, even if you have the best of intentions. Other times, it's a no win situation.

Back to last Sunday's improv show. There I was in my Zinzanni hat, taking the stage and just acting the fool. I wasn't caring what people thought. I just cared that I was giving my all to entertain and I didn't care if I fell on my face (or my back in this case) as long as I was true to my heart.

The high that the show gave me, and the feeling of belonging to something truly wonderful filled my heart with joy. I had found a place where the old me, the different me, the true me could flourish. Now the challenge will be to figure how to allow this me to make peace with the me that lives every day - the one that has to be the boss, husband and dad.

There is hope, and it has to be protected from the failing economy, shattered dreams and everyday challenges of life.

So say hello to a different me, and I hope you get to see him some more. I am going to attempt to remember he exists and let him out for a run every once in a while.

And please no schitzophrenia jokes. None of you realize what role that plays around my life, which is one reason the new me has to be, and old me only appears as a special guest star.

Good night to all the mes and all of yous.

Yours truly,
Johnny Blogger

(Had to remove the video as it wasn't function properly. Kept saying "Yes, but.")