On the subject of "It's Complicated"

I almost changed my relationship status last night, but after reading this, I think you all will understand.

She was very good to me for about a year and ten months. She treated me with respect. She brightened up when I looked upon her glowing face. She slept peacefully when I tapped her on the the head.

In recent weeks, she began to act differently. When I would need the right words from her, she would just spit my request out like she didn't care.

When I needed her to do something, really depended on her, she let me down.

Then, she did the unforgiveable. She ran out of space for my thoughts in her heart and brain.

Yes, I had done it again. I had run through a faithful friend in less than two years. I thought this one would be different. I thought she was more sturdy. When we first went out, she was fast, always faithful and I loved the fact that her body looked all sleek and shiny (yep, I like them to look that way.)

Alas, I was wrong. That's when I was in a pick up joint and saw a new one. She lookied like my old love, but her drive was much more, um, apparent. Her curves were even more than I had remembered in any old flame. And when I looked into her face, there was a perfectly clean complexion without any kind of imperfections. She was quiet when I needed her to be, and communicated beautifully when I needed to talk.

And then, the bartender told me of her secret. She has a friend that goes with her everywhere, and they "practically share a mind." Could it be true? I could have two that understand me. One to keep at home and one to take with me out in public? I met the little friend. She was petite and so dark, and sleek, and shiny, and sexy.

Sure enough, the bartender was right. When I spoke to the one, the other would say the words. And when I whispered into that small cute little place on the side of her head, her friend would know exactly what I was saying mere seconds after I said it.

I knew my old lady would never understand, but I had to. These new sultry beings were too tempting.

So I called my wife to ask her if she would mind if I picked up a new lady, and she said, "well, if you have to, I know that you will be happier if you do."

I didn't have the heart to tell her about the little friend. I just hoped she would understand.

So I brought the two ladies home and the kids seemed to really like them both, and immediately wanted to have a relationship with each of them, when I said, no kids, they are mine.

Cruelty. It is not my strong point, but at some time, I knew it would come to this. I called up my old lady and while I had her on the line, I let my new ladies listen in and basically take all the precious memories that we had formed together. Every single one from the past year and 10 months. Then, the most unkind cut of all. I informed my wife, and my old lady that not only did I have two new ladies, but that these two ladies had an intimate relation with the lady I keep at my office, and now they would be interacting as well.

Not only had I kicked my old lady to the curb, but the one that had proceeded her was able to stick around and play with the two new gals.

As I write this, she is still sitting there. Closed off now... her brightness gone, some scars apparent. There are a few things piled on top of her as well. I guess like an old lady with cats, she just will get used to it. I know there will be someone who will love her again... it just probably won't be me. That is unless my new ladies aren't around and I need her for a quickie.

I am sincerely hoping my new loves will be able to last longer than the old ones. I seem to run through relationships in less than a couple of years, no matter if the counselor had guaranteed me longer relationships. Time just seems to move on fast, and I need a lady I can depend on.

Thank God my wife understands.

So, it is with great pleasure that I announce that this is the first blog written on my new MacBook Pro with it's fully integrated iPhone and MobileMe. Pretty sexy, huh?

Yours truly,
Johnny Blogger

PS - I will be out of the blogosphere for a bit as I am going on vacation without my new or old ladies but with my wife, so I will resume writing when I return. There are just some times my wife wants to be the sole receiver of my attention. Imagine that!