On the subject of "Defriending"

I just had the weirdest feeling.

There, in my Facebook highlights, was a photo album of a friend of mine with photos of an amazing event - a contest won by another friend of mine. I was ready to lend a congratulatory comment when I realized the comment box was not there.

I went up to the search box, and typed my friends name. The search results came up with her name on the top, and the fact we have 11 mutual friends. Then, I saw it. It stared at me like an accusatory finger from a Perry Mason episode. "Add a friend."

I had been defriended. My first feeling was surprise, followed by being a little hurt.

She had worked with my wife many years ago, and had moved away to take a job on the East coast. She went on to become an improviser at a very cool place, and was living her dream. When things changed, and the club closed, I even joined the Facebook groups in support of her cause, and sent her a wall note wishing her the best. It seemed pleasant enough, friendly even.

I had seen this person in person recently at a show where I was genuinely pleased to see her. She was in town to meet with many of our "mutual friends." The conversation was brief, but maybe a little uncomfortable, so that could have been a sign.

But then today... it was clear.

Okay, I am sounding a little melodramatic about it, but I never like to be thought of in a bad way. I know I can be a little much with Facebook status updates, and use Facebook more than most, but isn't that what it's all about... trying to connect with people?

I remember when someone told me I was too Facebook Happy, and felt a little insulted that she took it personally. So I guess people will think the way they want to and that's okay.

Now I have a quandary. I follow this person on Twitter. Do I unfollow her? Funny thing is that she has started using Twitter a lot to talk about some of the everyday things I do on Facebook. Decisions, decisions.

Defriending is an ugly business. It's clean and simple and there is a perfect getaway car... the ignore button. I guess it sometimes just has to be done. Maybe it was spring cleaning. Maybe it was I said something that offended her. Maybe it was nothing at all.

As most of you know, I am not in the business of "collecting" Facebook friends. As a matter of fact, this week, I ignored quite a few requests from people I didn't know. My basis for accepting a FB friend is simple... do I know them and have I a reason to accept it? If I don't know them personally, do we have a mutual interest (blogging, improv, NASCAR, Groucho Marx, etc) that we talk about and will become friends? If you don't fit into one of those categories, I probably will not accept the invite.

So my friend count goes back one, no big deal. It still hurt a little. (Hey, you... don't get any ideas.)

Oh, remember that person who said I was too Facebook Happy. I defriended her a while back so she wouldn't have to deal with my happiness. I guess it goes both ways.

Your friend,

Yours truly,
Johnny Blogger.