On the subject of "Turning on the Faucet"

Sometimes I write just to write. Many times, it's to get something off my mind.

Yesterday, in the midst of working, I told my co-worker how absolutely infuriated I was getting about the hype being given the "outbreak" of the swine flu in the media.

There are so many stories worth telling that to see the first 11 minutes of a newscast dedicated to the Swine Flu and how you are going to get it sickened me. Yes, I meant the pun.

So, in the spirit of a previous blog entry, I decided to create the Whine Flu Pandemic Central. I planted all the seeds with links about whining and such. I even took some clipart and gave it the logo treatment. Then I put out the all out effort to recruit people to "Become a Fan"

Line by line, word by word, I used humor to get out my anger at the overreaction of society to something that really does not need that much attention. And oh, by the way, did you happen to notice it's sweeps for television... that lovely time where news operations bring out the heavy lumber to tell you what you need to know so you have to, I mean HAVE TO tune in to that particular news that night.

I would understand it if there were hundreds of deaths instead of dozens of cases of this sickness throughout the country, but these stories seem to be nothing but scare tactics.

Case in point. Five schools in this area have been shut down for a week because of a "suspected case" of swine flu.

Meanwhile, just one block from my office, a doctor who was also suspected of having swine flu, treated many youngsters, not to mention had contact with parents. If this was so serious, wouldn't that entire clinic be shut down and every one of those kids alerted to inform their schools of the situation so that they could shut down, and all the businesses that this woman went to, including the place I probably had lunch, have signs saying there is a danger here?

Now I guess you might say it would be poetic justice if I caught this thing after having this opinion, but why aren't people mad as hell and not going to take this stuff anymore?

Then, yesterday, I saw a story on HBO about schools eliminating Dodgeball or Musical Chairs or any competition where there are definitive winners and losers, as they say it might hurt the morale of the people who could be excluded or, dare I say, lose.

If that were not enough, there is a school that has banned the game of tag because of the possibility of injury. Their solution, shadow tag, where you tag the person by stepping on their shadow. Oh, we aren't finished there. The school has banned all touching. I mean no touching. That means a pat on the back, a high five, a hug. These have been replaced by the "Air Five" and "Air Hugs."

Where in the hell is society going?

Well, I guess there might be one thing the two subjects I have ranted about have in common. If there was a no touching policy at all schools, the chance of spreading Swine Flu may have gone down exponentially.

I am getting off my soap box... turning off the faucet.

My time is up, I thank you for yours.

Yours truly,
Johnny Blogger

On the subject of Soup

"No Soup for You!"

This entry is a compendium of thoughts on a rainy day in Seattle. Call it Blog Soup.

Why is it that my super fast eight core Mac working more like a Commodore 64?

Was it as much fun to play Intellivision back then as it is to play Wii now?

Does everyone start their day optimistic they will get everything done only to discover it was a lot tougher than they thought it was going to be?

When is too much too much?

Go see Little Miss Notetaker's kitchen! It's awesome... and then go rate it on HGTV.com. 

The word is on your lips. Say the word! FASCINATION!

Do people just not call to tell you they are not coming anymore, or do they just assume you will work your schedule around theirs?

Does everyone have to be paid for everything, or do you ever do something because it is the right thing to do?

Improv Karaoke tonight. I have to get ready for it. I don't know why it's tougher than usual. Maybe the combination of the bad karaoke experience from last week, and the upper back injury from yesterday.

Just how awesome is Michael Phelps? Just how cute is Shawn Johnson? Just how amazing is Jonathan Horton (still no relation)?

Was the opening ceremony of the Olympics still the most incredible show ever put on now that it has been discovered that the director of the show basically abused the cast, and said the only place it could have been done better is North Korea?

What would I look like as a bobble head?

The render of the video is still not done.

When it is correct to be politically incorrect?

Who won the primary for Governor here in Washington and do I care? I care that the ads are over for at least a couple of weeks (phew!)

Is the world ready for Arnold-oke (singing an entire Karaoke song as Arnold). Believe me now!

The batteries on my desk are recharged now. Hopefully I will be soon.

Hey Dave, can I plug my show? It's Sunday night in Seattle at 7 PM at the Historic University Theater. No, I don't have a clip.

Is it Theater or Theatre. This coming from a guy who spells color colour.

Render is still not done. However, I am.

Good night, Grace Kelly... all your looks were too sad. So I'll try a little Freddie. I've gone identity MAD!

Yours truly,

Johnny Blogger

On the subject of Writing

Laughter is by far the only thing that keeps me sane. Writing something that makes me laugh is the only prescription that is better than more cowbell. (I got a feavah.)

My friend Steve and I have been writing a screenplay for many years, and we are in the clubhouse turn of finishing it. Real life has interrupted our flow, but every time we regroup, we find something else to recharge the batteries of creativity.

The story is about someone in television whose reality is more entertaining than the reality show she produces. It was an idea borne of the days when I thought I would leave sports to make a run in other kinds of programming. I still just do sports, but if there is anything that has a real chance of ever being sold, this script would be it. 

Okay, I will brag a little. (I'm entitled.) Some of the scenes in this script are easily the most outrageous things you would ever see in a movie. There is one sexy scene where the moans come from a place one would never guess. It's not something sick, just very very clever in these days. And the commercial takeoff that begins the movie is so real, it would scare you into believing that someone would be crass enough to introduce a product like that. 

My love for writing began with my Dad, who could write letter like no one else I have ever known. I have been told that I inherited his knack for the written  word, and for that, I will be forever thankful.

The turning point in my love for comedy writing came in 1992 when Scott Hudson (former WCW announcer) and Steve Prazak joined me in a venture called the Shenanumake Post. Simply stated, the Post was the Mad Magazine for the insider's world of professional wrestling. I believe we may have had maybe 40-60 paid readers, but the number of people who have told us they read it number in the hundreds. It was the kind of publication that would be copied and passed around locker rooms and rent-a-cars by the wrestlers themselves as they went from town to town.

For example, our year end issue was in June. We had results from all over the independent wrestling world, where the name of every promotion, arena and 80 percent of the wrestlers were made up in the spot. One of the promotions: They've come to kill the Rooster. The arenas: The Hermione Gingold Arena, The Larry Storch Sports Porch, and the Donnie Most Pavillion. Some of my favorite wrestlers: Clamidia Randolph, The Preverbal Pharton Hurle.

This article on co-writer Steve Prazak by Charleston Post and Courier's Mike Mooneyham can give you a lot more examples of the hilarity.

Our writing sessions were, and still are, among the best times of my life. The laughs we shared, the emotions we transcribed, the jokes we told, would be best kept in a treasure chest of memories. 

We were far from done with our creativity when my life took a turn and I moved from Atlanta to Seattle, thus ending the run of the Post. Every time there is a conversation between any two of us, we always come up with something that would be great "for the January Issue," which if ever published with all those thoughts from the last decade+ would fill many volumes. One of these days, I might have to see if I could figure out a way to republish them as they are as fresh today as they were back then.

So if you ever wondered why I write this blog, now you know. I just live to type until my carpal tunnel acts up. With no idea of how many people actually read these, I might just be typing to myself, but the joy I get out of the process is very nourishing. 

Now as long as my personal trainer says it's not part of the foods to avoid, I'll keep going. And even if he does, screw it, I am not giving this one up!

Good night, Pepsi. I miss you!

Yours truly,

Johnny Blogger